Category: growth

12 life changing lessons I Learnt in 12 Months

12 Life-Changing Lessons I Learnt in 12 Months.

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As the New Year is well and truly underway, I spent the last few days reflecting on the experiences I encountered in 2017. The last twelve months taught me a lot, so here’s a little recap of the life-changing lessons that I have learnt.

1. conversation is crucial to healing.

January taught me that conversations are important – particularly during the healing process. Whether it be through grieving the loss of someone significant, or through accepting some sort of change in your life.

Perhaps it is even forgiving a person who has hurt you in the past and letting go of the grudge you have been holding on to for so long. Acceptance and moving on can be incredibly difficult, but I have learnt that being open and honest with someone allows you to experience vulnerability in a way in which it frees you.

2. your testimony is always worth sharing.

I had the opportunity in February to share my testimony at a youth program, in which I spoke about the impact my sister’s accident had on my life. Life is all about people and we can choose how we interact with those we come in contact with.

It could begin as small talk with a cashier at your go-to coffee shop, or connecting with a lifelong friend on a deeper level. However it may be, if the opportunity presents itself, don’t take it lightly. Your story is so much more powerful than you think and no one can take that away from you.

3. don’t let the white noise distract you from god. 

It was at the Hillsong Colour Conference in March that my eyes were drawn to the row reserved for deaf women. I watched the translator sign the lyrics to the ladies – completely engrossed in the moment and in love with their God. I could hear everything, yet they could hear nothing. It made me wonder whether their disability had been a catalyst for such passionate faith.

Often we get distracted by the artificial ‘white noise’ constantly surrounding us that we lose focus of what it means to love God, or worse, we lose focus of God altogether. As I witnessed them in worship, I prayed that my faith would be a reflection of theirs – complete, unhidden and made manifest among others. In a world full of chaos and distraction, ask yourself: what would my faith look like if I stripped away all of this background noise?

4. travel when you can.

I visited Melbourne for the first time in April and explored the Great Ocean Road. I have learnt that when it comes to travel, you need to find a way to make it work. Whether that means booking the tickets when they’re on sale and letting future Jess worry about it (obviously not speaking from experience) or saving some money by making more of an effort to take lunch to work rather than purchasing it.

Travel teaches you perspective. Regardless of where you go, as you experience different places you realise just how small you are and how big the world really is. You not only discover more about other places, people and their culture, but you learn more about yourself, too. It really is a reality check when you appreciate how vastly different each of our journeys are.

5. consider closed doors as an opportunity for new ones to open.

I was let go from my position as an employee at my local supermarket in May. Rewind a month prior and I was having an interview at a digital marketing agency. Little did I know that while the door to my supermarket gig was quickly closing, another was opening.

Fast forward to now and I have been employed as a social media contractor at my old work place, while also working part time at the digital agency. Often some doors close in order for us to grow, learn and as a result, step outside the confines of our comfort zones to try something new. The answer will always be ‘no’ if you don’t give it a shot, so why miss out on the possiblity of a ‘yes’?

6. friends shouldn’t be convenient.

The usual “how are we already half way through the year?” question hit me hard in June. I realised that three years ago I had been studying for my Year 12 trial exams, which reminded me how different things are now, after school.

Friendships suddenly require effort. Life quickly gets busy and you need to intentionally set time aside to catch up. I hate losing friends and I care too much about people, but sometimes you inevitably drift from others. I have learnt this lesson the hard way – a few times now. Friendships require effort from both sides. Be genuine, be authentic and be intentional with your friends. Don’t choose friends just because they are convenient.

7. stop waiting for a better offer.

Our generation is lacking commitment at a rapidly growing rate, as the ability to change our minds at the drop of a hat (and the fact it is deemed acceptable) is easier than ever thanks to social media. I held my 21st party in July and this, along with other events throughout the year, helped amplify my recognition of this behaviour.

We are invited to a party, but wait to find out who will be there before committing to going. Then the morning of the party, a group of your other friends suggest more appealing plans, so you log on to Facebook and quickly change your RSVP – or better yet, you haven’t responded to the event anyway, ‘just in case something comes up’.

I have done it and chances are, you probably have too. Welcome to the era of FOMO. We constantly choose to wait for a better offer and we have a fear of missing out. Perhaps we need to stop tolerating this excuse for commitment (and frankly, just being polite) and stop taking other people for granted.

8. you don’t need to fear the unknown.

From a simple blood test to see if I was iron deficient, to an ultra sound and more – I found myself consistently fearing the unknown in 2017. August in particular was terrifying, with an appointment for both an endoscopy and colonscopy just days after my 21st birthday. Waiting for test results was worrying. The uncertainty was unsettling and I was caught in this never-ending cycle of ‘what if’ – questioning everything and overthinking the smallest things.

We tend to jump to conclusions very quickly; overlooking the finer details. One of the most important things we overlook is the fact that God knows our before, our now and our after. He sees everything. However, I learnt that our own perspective is limited to the before and now, so don’t fail to remember that the unknown is in fact known to Him.

9. do something that scares you.

September was uncomfortable. It was exciting and brought me a lot of great opportunities, but it was scary and it was uncomfortable. I presented three separate pitches in front of real-world clients and I took the plunge and decided to start my own freelancing business.

We can choose to be comfortable and settle for our current position, or we can choose to not be scared of stepping outside the confines of our comfort zone. By choosing to do something that scares us, we give ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow – and nothing bad has ever come from learning and growing. Maybe we need to do a regular self-check and consider whether we are genuinely happy with our current position or just comfortable.

10. uni group assignments will never not be bad.

If you say otherwise, you either never went to university or you are lying. In October, I graduated university. When it comes to working alongside people, there are always times when personalities clash. For the last three years, I had my fair share of group assignments and no, they weren’t fun.

People can be challenging, but remember to be open-minded. Hear each other out, be understanding and empathetic. Other people will have different views, ideas and beliefs to you, but rather than being close-minded, listen and be challenged. Stand your ground on what you belief, but don’t let pride or stubborness impinge on your ability to be accepting.

11. celebrate the little things, often.

Instagram has allowed me to use my blog as a plaftorm to reach hundreds of people through my writing. It has also given me the opportunity to meet so many inspiring people who share my passion. My platform continued to grow in November, however it is easy to become disheartened when you begin comparing your growing to other people’s milestones – particularly when it comes to chasing your dreams.

Having big goals is not a bad thing, but don’t feel disheartened when you see other people achieving bigger dreams quicker. Let that motivate you, rather than discourage you. Choose to celebrate the little things and don’t feel silly for getting excited about it. Acknowledge how far you have come and allow those moments to be a catalyst for further growing.

12. make time for those who matter.

It’s almost as if once December arrives, so too does everything else. And by ‘everything else’, you know exactly what I mean – the busy shops filled with people who suddenly can’t steer shopping trolleys, the crazy family gatherings each weekend, the hectic holiday planning and the Michael Buble and Mariah Carey albums on repeat.

We get caught up with work and other distractions, that we become busy and priortise the wrong things. I learnt in 2017 to make time for those who matter. Family is important and we often don’t take enough time out to be present in the lives of those who mean the most to us. Make sure you remember to put the right things first.

So here’s to another year of learning. All the best for 2018!

Keep smiling. x

6 Things You Need to Stop Doing Once You’re Twenty.

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In a few months, I turn twenty-one. While that is incredibly exciting, in the last year I have realised that this decade of life – your twenties – are, simply put, when everything changes. It is inevitably when life is going to throw you the biggest curveballs of all. Even though I have only really begun my journey into my twenties, I have made a pact with myself to try and change a few things about my thinking and behaviour. So, here are the six things I believe you need to stop doing once you are twenty.

1. Stop being a door mat.
Once you leave school, it’s different. It’s not rocket science – more time and effort has to go into maintaining the friendships you had growing up. Make time for your friends, but don’t forget that it goes both ways. All relationships work better when equal amounts of effort is put in by everyone involved. Some friendships are going to drift and you will feel one of two things: numbness or pain. If it is painful, it mattered. We are taught to stand up for ourselves and not let others use you. You’re not a door mat. Welcome people in to your life, but don’t let those people stand there and wipe their feet clean as they walk all over you. Be a kind person, but don’t let others take that for granted. You deserve friends that treat you right. Don’t you dare settle for less than you deserve.

2. Stop saying yes.
As you get older, you naturally accept more responsibility. Responsibility is great – it not only allows you to show others that you are mature and organised, but you learn how to prioritise and manage your time efficiently. However, don’t forget that you are also allowed to say ‘no’ every once in a while. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Don’t take on so much responsibility that you are no longer passionate or enthusiastic about a certain cause. At the end of the day, those two things are exactly what drives your motivation to do well at something. If you are lacking both passion and enthusiasm, you will find that your performance will gradually decline. Don’t feel like you have to say yes to people. If someone asks you to help them out or take on a particular role, spend some time really considering it, especially if it is a weighty decision. Often if someone knows that you are a ‘yes’ person, they will use you as their go-to person. While you should not feel obliged to always say yes, it doesn’t mean you should stop altogether.

3. Stop saying no.
If you say ‘no’ too frequently, the amount of opportunities that have the potential to come your way will diminish – and it will happen fast. If you close yourself off, then you will never gain that extra bit of experience that could point you in the right direction. Don’t be scared of stepping outside of the confines of your comfort zone. Often, that is where the magic happens. It can be terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but you will always end up better for it on the other end. Whether you have learnt something new or acquired a new skill or maybe even had the opportunity to share your talents with others, you will find that you have also had the chance to grow as well. Sometimes you will get lucky and something new will land in your lap because of a person you have met or something you have done in the past. However, this typically doesn’t always happen, so you need to be open to trying new things. You may be adamant that your internship application will just be a speck in the hundreds of others that apply, but what have you got to lose? Show them you are passionate. Show them you are different from the rest and ready to tackle new challenges head on. Don’t wait for opportunities to find you, actively seek them instead. Patience can only get you so far, but eagerness and a curious mind will always lead you to open doors.

4. Stop waiting for your family to ring you.
Make a conscious decision that once or twice a week you will take five minutes out of your day to ring your family. Whether that is a parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin – make it a priority. About a year or two ago,  I realised that I was constantly leaving it up to both my grandmother’s to ring and check up on me. I quickly decided that I wanted this to change. The relationship you have with your family is something so special and I was taking it for granted. Now, I make a conscious effort to ring them both at least once every week or two, depending on how busy my schedule is and what time I get home from Uni or work. Every time I end the phone call or give them a hug goodbye after seeing them, I now make sure I say, ‘love you!’ While this shouldn’t be some crazy, new phenomenon – for some reason it often feels natural to tell our partner that we love them every day, but when it comes to family, we ignore the simple ‘I love you’. Why do we find it so awkward to speak words of affirmation to our family? You don’t want it to be too late and have any regrets, so stop waiting for your family to ring you. Everyone gets busy and fitting in time to have a decent conversation can be difficult, but these relationships are incredibly special and you don’t want to lose that, because you’ll need them more than ever. Never underestimate the importance of a quick phone call or the importance of an ‘I love you’.

5. Stop worrying about what others think of you.
You know what they say – us ‘Millennials’ are experiencing the most severe identity crisis of all. Due to the emergence of social media within the last two decades, it’s pretty damn hard to argue against that. We constantly compare ourselves with the lives of those we may or may not know that appear on our screens. We pick and choose the parts of our lives that we showcase to others and we get so caught up on following the latest trends. We are growing up more socially awkward than ever, because we aren’t used to holding conversations that are not requiring us to only move our fingers and thumbs. We have become one of the most narcissistic generations in history – spending our own time (and sometimes money) trying to acquire people to be interested more in our lives rather than their own. Welcome to 2017! Placing your worth in the values that society has created will do nothing but feed the voices telling you that you will never be enough. If you keep seeking validation from people or things that don’t have the right to be dictating the way you live your life, then you will never be happy. You will find yourself temporarily happy until someone else tells you there is ‘just one more thing’ you can do or change to be even happier – it’s a never-ending cycle. Stop constantly trying to please other people rather than doing things for yourself.

6. Stop thinking you have to ‘do life’ a certain way.
It’s not hard to see why we are so easily falling into the trap of an identity crisis. Individuals asking themselves why their lives don’t quite match up to where it’s “supposed to be”. For starters – that’s a load of poo. The values and ideals that society creates to be ‘normal’ is not reality, but rather an augmented version of it that is unattainable. Stop comparing yourself to where others are in life – whether they are financially stable, have moved out of home, are in a relationship, have an amazing new job, or ha, just have a job. It is completely normal to freak the heck out when you reach your twenties! You not only have a slight existential crisis, but suddenly you realise that oh, this is where it gets real. Society tells you that in the next ten years you should basically have checked graduating, getting your first real job, finding a lifelong partner, moving out of home, potentially moving to another job, getting married, travelling and having kids, off the list. Sounds ideal, right? But who says this is the way it has to go? Set goals and have dreams that you aspire to achieve, but don’t freak out if it’s not all happening the way you planned – because, spoiler alert: it probably won’t.

While I am only skirting around the borders of turning twenty-one, I still have so much to learn when it comes to growing up. All I can say is, every year brings more opportunities to do just that and I will continue to use what I already know to help me become the best version of myself as I work through my twenties. So, to all my twenty-something year old friends out there, this one is for you. Let’s do this crazy decade together.

Keep smiling. x

5 things I wish I knew before leaving school

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I witnessed my sister heading off to her Year 12 Formal the other day and I felt so incredibly proud. The beginning of the end to a long thirteen years of schooling and turning the page to a new chapter post-HSC exams. I came home from work the night of Aimee’s last exam and she was glowing. The freedom she had only been waiting forward to was now a reality. I hugged her, welcoming her to this new and exciting journey. I explained to her that while she may feel like a huge burden had been lifted off her shoulders, it is not all cruisy from here. Life throws lots of curveballs and you need to be prepared to face them head on, instead of let them overpower you. 

Later that night, I laid in bed thinking how that was me two years ago and how much has changed in that short period of time. I reminisced about the challenges that I faced as I completed my exams and my personal experiences of that taste of ‘freedom’ that followed. I quickly wrote down a few things that I wish I had known when I waved school goodbye, with the intention of sharing these pieces of advice with my sister.

1. Be open minded. You’ll meet new people with different values and morals to you. Don’t let that dishearten you, but rather listen to their perspectives, explore new avenues and deepen your own understanding. Don’t be stubborn and close-minded. Always be willing to learn and grow. Knowledge is power. Stand up for what you believe in, but don’t shut down others for their beliefs. 

2. Embrace challenges. Acknowledge that things won’t be easy, but when difficulties arise, take those moments to pause and evaluate the situation from multiple directions. Sometimes we limit ourselves to the things we want to see and are oblivious to the things we should or need to be focusing on. Your attitude and perspective changes everything, so adjust them accordingly.

3. Find your passion and run with that. Do something that you love, but also try new things – you may love something that you don’t even know yet! The first step is finding something that you love, but the most important thing is believing in that. Never be scared to step outside your comfort zone. Often, you will find that you will make new experiences, meet new people and have the opportunity to reveal your hidden talents when you take a risk and try something different. 

4. Make time for your friends. It is different after school, because you have to put time and effort into maintaining your friendships. You grow up with these people and you learn from each other. These relationships are important and you will find that once you go your separate ways, it is much more difficult to hold on to those special bonds you have created. All relationships work better when equal amounts of effort is put in by everyone involved.

5. Remember that you are Loved. You will quickly realise that this world is messed up. There are so many things going on, not only on a global scale, but even within our local surroundings. It is okay to feel overwhelmed by all of these things, but also remember to have faith that there is something much bigger and greater than all of these materialistic and temporary things. In a world full of chaos, let this reminder bring you peace. 

Growing up is an exciting, but scary and fun, yet challenging experience. I have realised in the last two years, that I have already grown and matured so much. But more importantly, I have realised that this growing and maturing never stops.

Keep smiling. x